InsaneJournal

Current mood:

numb

Debate
I had a new experience today: the discovery that a friend who previously appeared extremely tolerant, open-minded, intelligent, and friendly is vehemently against gay marriage and adoption of children by gay couples.

It was purely one of those random moments in life. I had skipped three speech&debate meetings in a row and had only gone today because the coordinator threatened me. It was random that I chose to sit where I did, and thus listened in as my friend discussed her speech. When she came over to me and sat down and asked what mine was about, that's when it began.

"Gay rights. It's the only topic I know how to write, really."

"Are you gay?" she asked. And because I never lie and I never hide, I said yes. And she asked questions, like how old I had been when I found out (12) and if I had ever had a girlfriend (yes) and then if I wanted to get married. We ended up taking at least an hour debating whether or not the Bible condoned homosexuality (she's very religious, more than I had thought at first) and if children necessarily need "Dad vibes" AND "Mom vibes", or if a child could grow up just as well-rounded with only mothers or only fathers.

She wasn't attacking about it, and I've seen that she's able to attack if she chooses to. She tried to understand but I could tell that she still remained attached to her idea that marriage is a "commitment under God" (her words) and only between a man and a woman. She was suitably shocked when I mentioned the two priests who had gotten married. I can't fault her. She listened to me; she didn't just dismiss everything or throw it back in my face.

But I remain a little disturbed, almost frightened--that this is the kind of deep-rooted belief I will have to convince and work against for the rest of my life. If I want to get married, I'll have to explain WHY marriage and not simply "civil union". We couldn't agree on a definition of marriage; I think we both had this image in our minds which we couldn't vocalize. Vows and rings, right? When I want to have children, I'll have to defend them. And that's not a little scary.